Friday, March 2, 2012

Sarah Kay: If I should have a daughter






If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B, because that way she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me.

And I'm going to paint solar systems on the backs of her hands, so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say, “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.”

 And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach.


But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.


There is hurt here that cannot be fixed by Band-Aids or poetry.


So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming, I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself.


Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal.


Believe me, I've tried.

“And, baby”  I'll tell her, “don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick; I've done it a million times. You're just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house, so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place, to see if you can change him.”


But I know she will anyway, so instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby, because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix.


Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix.


But that's what the rain boots are for.


Because rain will wash away everything, if you let it.


I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass-bottom boat, to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind, because that's the way my mom taught me.


That there'll be days like this.


♫ There'll be days like this, my momma said. ♫


When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises; when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape; when your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment.


And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you.


Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's swept away.

You will put the wind in winsome, lose some.

You will put the star in starting over, and over.

And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting, I am pretty damn naive.

But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar.

It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.

“Baby,” I'll tell her, “remember, your mama is a worrier, and your papa is a warrior, and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.”

Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things.

And always apologize when you've done something wrong.

But don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.

Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing.

And when they finally hand you heartache, when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.
 
Hell yeahhh, they should meet your mother!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Ezra's Nautical Fun Birthday

Heya!

Last weekend we celebrated Ezra birthday party at Crumbs, Bangsar. The party was supposed to be in the previous week, but both Ezra and his sister Zara kena rotavirus. (Virus jahatttttt!)

The truth is, I hate birthday parties. Or maybe i used to. My poor Kid never had a proper birthday party, u know with all the baloons and fancy decoration. And to some point, I'm kinda hate any birthdays (Yeahh just like those emo people banning the V-Day) (Dan untuk kesekian kalinya, V-Day is not a Christian thingy, it is just that Valentine Guy thingy. And it is all about commercializing the day; to boost the sales of flowers, chocs, cards, teddy bears, and also to increase the profit for restaurants, just like any other celebration like Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, Grandmother's Day, Your 2nd Cousin's Day etc).

With the authority that I have, I therefore ban any birthday celebration in my small family. Muahahahahahhahahahaha.

But ahhhh of course Ezra is an exception la kan. Because, I'm secretly in love with him *shy*.
I once told my husband, that one day, i nak pinjam Ezra bawak balik rumah. Satu hari pun cukup lah.
Maka, demi Ezra, Mak Long un"ban"kan birthday celebration!
Comel macam ni, mana boleh tahan!

The theme for the day is Nautical Fun.

Nautical fun theme



Adiks-in-law bought this cute sailor dress for Tisya to wear. It's too cute, and made from cotton. Just comfortable for active toddler like this.

Nice right?
And alang-alang Mak Long dah isytiharkan OK to celebrate birthdays, Mak Long pula yang over excited, feeling-feeling Sailormoon siap cari top nak sama dengan anak (guna Goggle image search).
Sailormoon

The celebration was OK. Lepak-lepak, makan-makan, minum-minum. Tisya had fun, so yeah we had fun too.


Mak sama anak memang sama-sama suka scribbling. Tapi hasilnya pun memang entah apa-apa.


Juga posing-posing depan camera.

Tisya & Zara
Zara is 5 months older than Tisya. But look how cemetot my kid is compared to her. Tisya masih boleh muat pakai baju budak 9 bulan. And it frigging stress me out each time. But again, hey I'm 31, and I can still fit into 13yo punya baju. So what a fuss about it, right?

The birthday boy cried during the cutting cake session, just like how the big sister did during her 1st birthday party.




Maybe I should show this post to their parents. Hahaha.

I remember during Zara 1st birthday, Tisya was just 7 months. 



Ahhh maybe if this year treating her good, (hey dragon, please be nice!), we can have a small celebration for her.

Though, if you ask me the ideal celebration would just to be with her all day long. Just let her wake up by herself,  cook her favourite dish, watch cartoon maybe, or maybe go out to any park; and just watch her skipping all the way.

But we'll see, we'll see. We have few months to go.
If not, I can just re-ban birthdays.

But for now, happy birthday Ezra.
Mak Long syiok kat you!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Rabu Tanpa Kata #7 (Versi Baju Tunang)


Disember 2007

Februari 2012

I muat lagi pakai baju tunang *grin*

Friday, January 20, 2012

Monday, January 9, 2012

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Kecewa

Nothing more frustrating when your child is sick, and people around you post things saying that your child's name, your beautiful, smart and helpful child's name is the same as nama jin.

I never be frustrated like this.
None of these people offer supportive words when we were through shits all this while.
Nevetheless lend helpful hands.

And now this.



-Proud mom to Nur Batrisyia-

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Sayang Mama

Sila lah tonton iklan ini.



Ahhh sayang Mama!

Saya resign kerja lama masa saya dalam pantang. Lepas tiga bulan tidak bekerja, akhirnya saya tahu saya perlu jadi realistik. Saya perlu bekerja. Saya ingat lagi hari pertama perlu menghantar Batrisyia ke rumah babysitter. Malam itu saya tidur memang tak lena. Tiap satu jam, saya terbangun. Mula-mulanya saya bersidai dekat tepi babycot dia, hanya untuk tengok dia tidur. Lama-lama saya angkat dia letak dia tidur dekat sebelah. Saya rasa malam itu malam paling singkat dalam hidup saya. Saya harap malam lebih panjang, jadi ada lebih masa dengan anak.

Pagi-pagi saya bangun dengan derai airmata. Sebelum itu, hari-hari berkepit dengan anak. Dari celik sampai pejam mata. Pagi, petang, siang, malam. Dia lah peneman setia. Hari itu, 4 Januari 2010, titik permulaan di mana saya perlu tinggalkan dia untuk beberapa jam setiap hari.

Talk about separation anxiety. Saya lah sebenarnya yang menghidapnya.

Mula-mula katakan selamat tinggal di rumah babysitter, nanti ucapkan selamat tinggal hantar dia ke sekolah. Besar sikit, selamat tinggal sebab melanjutkan pelajaran. Tau-tau nanti selamat tinggal kerana mengikut suami pula.

Sebab itu, selagi boleh, biar saya habiskan masa bersama dia. Selagi masih ada peluang. Masa bersama dia adalah priceless.

Sayang Mama.
Sampai bila-bila pun, di mana-mana pun, Mama tetap sayang.


p/s: Anda boleh Like Dumex Dugro di facebook untuk menang hadiah.
Saya saja letak iklan ni sebab touching sangat.

p/s/s: Dah tua-tua ni tengok iklan susu pun nangis.

p/s/s/s: Awal-awal tengok iklan ni mata dah bergenang-genang. Sampai part budak lelaki tu pergi, dan kemudian berpaling melihat ibunya, airmata memang sudah tak boleh tahan. Sampai part dia pegang dagu ibunya (if you watch the vids carefully, that's the same gesture the mom did when he fell off his bicycle) dan kemudian melekatkan sticker di baju, oooo airmata mengalir deras macam air banjir kilat di Kuala Lumpur. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Kisah Harijadi ke-2 Batrisyia

This was one long-due event. Kerana mengingatkan harinya amat megguris hati. Hari yang ditunggu-tunggu, yang dinanti-nanti, akhirnya bukan saja tidak mengikut perancangan awal, malah menjadi hari yang amat menyedihkan.

Segala perit jerih untuk memastikan Tisya sihat tidak membuahkan hasil langsung. Lagi beberapa hari saja untuk menyambutnya, jerebu tebal menghuni udara. Terima kasih kepada jiran republik yang hutannya perlu dibakar setiap tahun. Tiap kali saya melihat ke luar kaca pejabat, dan yang nampak hanya jerebu yang tebal mengkabut pandangan, tapak kaki terus sejuk, mengingatkan betapa ia adalah bencana untuk Tisya. Kami terus saja mengkuarantinkan diri di dalam rumah. Perintah darurat untuk keluarga kecil kami. Tisya hanya akan keluar ketika perlu ke rumah nenek-sitter dan untuk balik ke rumah. Itupun, sebelum keluar, kami seperti askar yang ingin menggempur musuh. Siap-siap pakai beg dari dalam kereta, 1,2,3 dan kemudian lari pecut untuk masuk ke rumah.

But the hazes showed no mercy. Dia sudah mula selsema, dan batuk-batuk, diikuti demam. Tanda-tanda tonsilnya sudah membengkak juga jelas. Air liur mengalir (tonsil bengkak, untuk menelan air liur jadi begitu perit). Dia tidak mahu minum susu (hanya mahu air kosong), dan  menolak semua jenis makanan. Mata bengkak dan kulit menjadi kasar (kesan Allergic rhinitis). Tidur juga tidak lena. Hidung sumbat, jadi dia bernafas melalui mulut. Tapi tonsil bengkak, jadi tidur berdengkur yang maha kuat, dengan bunyi menarik nafas tersekat-sekat.

Pada 14 September lepas, saya memang mengambil cuti. Plan awalnya, bawa Tisya berjumpa paeditriciannya, ambil ubat, dan kemudian ke mall terdekat untuk lunch dan membelikannya kek comel untuk ditiup. That morning, i woke her up, and sang her a birthday song. She looked extremely tired. I dressed her in her most cutest clothes. Saya sangat optimistic yang dia akan OK, dan kami akan sambut harijadinya bersama-sama. Dan kami pun menuju ke KPJ Kajang.

Sebaik masuk ke bilik Dr Mahani, Dr Mahani sudah pandang semacam. Saya bagitau Dr Mahani, hari ni harijadi Tisya. Dr terus saja mengambil kertas sambil berkata "Tisya celebrate birthday dekat sini, ye." Dan kemudian saya nampak dia sudah sign admission form Tisya. Tiada kompromi (kami kadang-kadang berkompromi dengan dia, bila dia kata perlu diadmit, kami kata biar kami cuba jaga dia di rumah dulu, atpi hari-hari nanti kami jumpa Dr untuk follow up). Tapi kali ini nampaknya, Dr Mahani memang tak kasi peluang. Dia kata Tisya sudah nampak demotivated dan murung.  Dr kata selalu bila Dr sedang periksa, Tisya akan meronta-ronta melawan atau meronta-ronta nak turun sebab nak main toys dekat meja kecil Dr Mahani. Saya dan Kekasih pasrah saja. Nak buat macamana, kesihatan Tisya lebih utama dari yang lain-lain. Kasihan Batrisyia, menyambut harilahirnya di hospital. Nurses yang merawatnya, datang sambil nyanyi lagu Happy Birthday. Dan pada hari yang sama, Tisya perlu melalui sesi fisioterapi. Yes, a painful moment on her birthday. Hancur luluh hati saya. Dengan IV di tangan dan segala ubat disuntik. Di kala kanak-kanak lain menyambut harijadi dengan hilai tawa dan kegembiraan, anak saya menyambut harijadi dalam airmata dan kesakitan. Dalam tempoh dua tahun, Tisya sudah masuk hospital sebanyak 6 kali. Secara purata, (24 bulan/6) Tisya masuk hospital setiap 4 bulan.

Malam itu, adik saya datang, sejurus kemudian keluarga in-laws pula datang melawat ke hospital. In laws bawa pizza dan kek untuk kami makan-makan. Kami pakai birthday hats sambil ramai-ramai makan keliling katil Tisya. Esoknya beberapa nurses datang ke bilik membawa kotak kek. Mereka kata Dr Mahani suruh sampaikan kek itu untuk Tisya (Thank you Doc!).Suka betul Tisya. Dia asyik minta saya bawa kotak kek kepadanya. Dia kata "Mama, nak kek. Kan Birthday Tisya!". Tiap kali dia berkata begitu, saya hanya akan ambil kotak kek sambil tahan airmata. kemudian kami akan sama-sama nyanyi lagu birthday untuk dia, dan dia akan potong kek, dan paksa saya makan. Hhmmpphh.

Hari Sabtu, Kekasih perlu ke India atas urusan kerja. Tinggal lah saya dan Tisya dua beranak terkontang-kanting dalam wad. Mind you it was still during Syawal month. Orang di luar sibuk berhari raya, sibuk dengan open houses, sibuk melayan tetamu datang ke rumah, dan kami di hanya terkurung dalam hospital berdua selama seminngu (it was so far the longest stay we had). Officially, hari raya memang sudah tiada makna lagi untuk saya.

But it was OK. We survived the stay. Pada hari terakhir di hospital, Diza, adik-in-law datang untuk menolong mengangkat barang-barang yang sudah bertimbun. Selalu Kekasih akan bawa barang-barang beransur-ansur seperti baju kotor balik ke rumah, tapi memandangkan dia tiada, semua bertimbun dalam ward. It took us few trips untuk mebawa segala mak bapak barang-barang masuk ke dalam kereta. Sebaik sampai di rumah ( it took few other trips untuk bawa barang-barang dari dalam kereta naik ke naik rumah), saya humban segala baju-baju kotor dalam mesin basuh, cuci dan sterelized botol susu Tisya. Esoknya sudah perlu kembali ke tempat kerja, dan Tisya terpaksa dihantar kembali ke rumah nenek-sitter bersama berbelas mungkin berpuluh kanak-kanak lain. Malam itu terasa agak creepy. Selama di hospital, tiap jam ada nurse yang masuk ambil suhu, check tekanan darah, tukar IV. Dan dari dalam bilik, kedengaran bunyi troli ubat ditolak dari luar, dan tiba-tiba berada di rumah sendiri, sunyi hanya kami berdua saja.

Tak mengapa la. Yang penting Tisya ada di sisi.
Birthday present from adiks- in-law

Birthday cake from Tisya's paed, Dr Mahani.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Demam

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Rabu Tanpa Kata #6